so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize