...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
