Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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