Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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