I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
