If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
