I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize