We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
