when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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