U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
wow bdsm is so cute
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
