The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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