Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
