ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
