can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
