I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
