I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
