woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
