So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
