i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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