I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
