just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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