don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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