dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
