I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
