wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
