I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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