awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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