So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
