Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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