We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
