And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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