i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
