If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
