i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize