im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
