as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
