haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
