i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
