Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
