Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
