Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
