During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
