I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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