Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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