I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
