He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
