yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Text me some of your sweat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
