the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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