If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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