i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
