Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
