He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
