White coat. Heels.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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