In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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