My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
