Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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