Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
