Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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