im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
