Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize