he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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