Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
