Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
