p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
