Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
