Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
