I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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