i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
