We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
