did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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