one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
