If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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