New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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